Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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