matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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