Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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