I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
