my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
