Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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