I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
