508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
