I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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