I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize