Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
