I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I did not marry a roomba.
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