I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
