Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
