did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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