can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
