I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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