I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
