we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Randomize
