I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
worst night to have a conscience
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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