If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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