Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
