Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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