everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
