I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
