How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
