Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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