i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
