Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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