ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
