no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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