I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
