yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
