Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
