I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
