I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
