my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
