I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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