cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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