I heard we made out
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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