I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
