they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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