did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
