Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
