she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This baby is an asshole
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
