Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
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