??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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