So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
