I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
