Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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