Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
