I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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