the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
