A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
