so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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