Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
