dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
