Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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