i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
