Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
