A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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