there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
