I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This house was built for laser tag.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
