I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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