is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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