my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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