have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
