omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
