I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
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she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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