i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
