i don't like sucking hair
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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