someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
