why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
