you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
