just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
