He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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