I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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