We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
