I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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