I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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