Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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