Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I cut my penus on the lid.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
