I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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