I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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