theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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