this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
