yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
