I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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