i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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