tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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